Michaels Month of Meticulously Mandated Mastication – Fifth Bite

Well that’s one week down. Unfortunately I only weighed myself half way through the week so Im no sure how much I lost in total. But based on the last few days the rate of weight loss is pretty decent. But then again it always is in the first week or two of a diet.

Day 08 – Thursday 02/12

Breakfast: Porridge

Well today’s porridge was at best ok, which makes it the worst porridge I’ve made so far. After I staggered out of bed I threw my porridge in the microwave before performing my morning ablutions. I came pack expecting a hot bowl of porridge, not the bowl of tepid water and oats I was met with. My second attempt to cook them didn’t fare much better, this time I left them microwaving as I got dressed. But third time was apparently the charm as I realised I’d left the microwave on defrost from yesterday. Unfortunately I didn’t take into account that the porridge was warm already when I microwaved it the third time. Ah well.

Lunch: Smoothie

As I’d got up at a reasonably early (for me) time I decided that I’d actually have my smoothie for lunch today. Unfortunately a combination of freezing temperatures and a refusal to turn on the heating didn’t leave me looking forward to an icy late afternoon meal. I made it anyway and decided to leave it for supper, which I’ve quite enjoyed over the last few days. At this point I was rather hungry though and thought that I’d do some microwave popcorn, eat a go ahead yoghurt bar and read for an hour or so before making dinner around half five. Today’s planned meal is vegetable stir fry, to be honest I’m not sure how it got on there as I’m not the world biggest fan of something as tedious as vegetable stir fry. It’s also a pain in the ass to clean up after.

Well an hour (some microwave popcorn and three go ahead bars, damn they are addictive) later I was still sort of hungry and still largely unexcited about vegetable stir fry. While looking around on the net for inspiration I remember that bastard jar of pickles that had thwarted the house earlier in the week. Armed with a legion of stubborn jar opening techniques (courtesy of Google) I strode into the kitchen ready to do battle with it. I tried tapping it at arcane angles, I tried pouring hot water over the lid, I tried opening it in odd positions and with cloths and towels and plastic bands. But a few minutes later I was left with an unopened jar of pickles and a slightly strained and burned right hand. So I grabbed the tin opener and in frustration tried to pry the fucking lid off. The slight hiss of air escaping indicated both victory and that despite appearances the can had in fact being vacuum sealed.

Dinner: Two Burgers

Because I just couldnt face eating or cleaning up after a vegetable stiry-fry, and to celebrate my victory over the pickles I decided to grill two quarterpounder’s, toast some weight watchers bread for buns and cover them with chopped pickles and spring onion. Dinner ho!

Hmm even sitting on the counter I think those pickles may have been partially frozen. Still the burgers were decent. But failed to fill the weird hole. My last two go ahead bars were also thrown into that abyss. I really am weirdly hungry. I can’t stop thinking about getting a chinese. I have “allowed” one take away a week, I imagined that would be friday night as after work we traditionally grab something in Kierans. But I’m telling you, crispy prawn in hot honey sauce is calling to me.

Well after about three hours of hmming and hawing I eventually broke and went with the chinese. Foolishly justifying to myself that it was “healthier” than the Kieran’s I’ll now be skipping tomorrow night. I took my pork chops out of the freezer so tomorrow it will be Teriyaki Pork And Rice Bowl.

Listening to: Nada Surf - Imaginary Friends

Vent your spleen

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